Thursday, August 11, 2011

Battle of the Sexes

"Last year for my birthday, my husband got me a scale. This year for his birthday, I'm getting him a ruler!"--Hell's Kitchen S09 E10

Wrong, but effing hilarious!
If I weren't the type of person who constantly monitors her weight, I would be pissed as hell if my boyfriend bought me a scale for my birthday! However, I would absolutely steal the ruler idea! That's clever and great payback! Like they say: payback's a...well, you know.
Don't worry, though, I'm not a feminist. Guys, if your girlfriend/wife ever buys a ruler for Christmas or a birthday, then you have every right to buy her a scale!

You can insinuate or call us women fat asses, but we will beLittle your "ting ting", as coined by Jo Koy!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Facebook Corner: The 401-KEG

"Food forthought...If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have $49.00 today! If you purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG, you would have $33.00. If you purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers, you would have $0.00 today. But, if you purchased $1,000 worth of beer, drank all the beer, turned in the aluminum cans for recycling, you would have $214.00. Therefore the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg"

Id personally insert wine where it says, "beer" because surprisingly I cannot stand the taste, but the 401-cork just doesn't have the same ring lol!
But does anyone agree with me about the beer? Beer is not what you drink to get drunk, it's what you drink after you are too drunk to know what you are drinking!
But back to the quote...let's save the world and kill our kidneys, cuz you know, it's better than wasting a grand! But seriously, at least you can have fun partying while you lose your money, rather than just sitting in front of a computer watching the stock points drop.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Just Call Him Spirm Donor

          If I could change anything about myself, it would be to plunder the periodic emotional insecurity I feel from never having a real dad. I am proud of the person I have become, and I did not need my father to get to the place I am now, but even if I had needed him, he would not have contributed.
          Part of my insecurity arises when I wonder about why my father does not love me enough to be apart of my life. I hear from him maybe once a year, and the birthday cards I receive from him, are actually signed and sent by my stepmother. His existence is pretty mute to me, yet the lack of that same existence, has cultivated myriad pain.
          I believe that God intended every child to have a mother and a father because each parent serves a distinct, unique purpose in regards to nurtureing. I only had a mother, though, and she was forced to be both the rock and the soft, sentimental one. She did her best, and little flaws marked her efforts, but there still remains an aching void in my heart at times.
          How can someone who had little influence in your life, make such a great impact? I have tried to figure out why he was never there. Was it because his new family, or his freedom were more important? Was he just not ready to be a father?
          My mother told me, my father admitted to wanting four daughters, and only four daughters. He got his four daughters—myself, and three of my younger sisters.
          My insecurities have been influential in shaping my self-concept in the past. I was always “daddy hungry” in a way, and would search for comfort in other male figures in my life. I have also been guilty in being dubious when it comes to trusting people. Whenever one person disappears out of my life, whether it is a lost friendship, lost connection with family members, or broken  romantic relationships, I questioned what I did to make them go.
          I want to be free of caring; I want to be indifferent. I want to be a successful parent someday, and I feel that if I am still struggling with emotional bondage from my own parent, that I will not be able to do my best.

Facebook Corner

"Remember the popular MAN saying..."Why marry the cow when you can get the milk for free?" ? Well here`s the updated version for the ladies... "Why buy the entire pig just for a little sausage?"
I literally starting laughing uncontrollably when I read this, and was glad that I was the only one in my apartment lol.
Guys can be massaginistic womanizers if they choose, but girls can play the game, too. But while most women are the complete package, and therefore become worth the purchase of the entire cow, that same package for the men becomes subpar if the pig has a little sausage. :p

Saturday, August 6, 2011

A Dubious Time Traveler

          If I could travel back in time to redue any decision, I wouldn’t. I believe every event leads into the next, and whether one alters an entire day, or a one second decision, the reprocussions weigh equally in determining what effect your life will take.
Before March 23, 2009, I would have eagerly returned to my senior year of high school, and accepted St. Mary’s College’s admission invitation and their financial aid package, despite its heavy emphasis on student loans. However, March 23 is the day I met my future best friend and love.
Towson University was my third choice of schools, and the only reason I ended up here was because I was offered a full ride, but that is not why I stayed. I met my boyfriend during the second semester of my freshman career in an advanced writing course for teachers; he was a business major, so why was he there?
He was required to take an advanced writing course for his major, and ironically enough, Writing for Business and Industry, probably would have been the perfect fit in fulfilling this requirement, but my indifferent goofball haphazardly selected a course without  even glancing at the course title. It was not until our professor asked everyone to share what subject they planned to teach, that he realized that maybe he should have enrolled in another advanced writing course. The funny thing is, he was always wondering why the writing assignments were so difficult, and why our professor was such a stickler in his grading.
Similar to my decision in choosing Towson University, my boyfriend’s choice to take Writing and Communication Skills for Teachers, was a decision which weighed equally as heavy in determining whether or not we would ever meet. I have asked him several times, if he would still take Professor Pugh’s class, if he could go back in time, and his answer is always, “No, because that is the reason I met you, and the dues I paid in that class, were well worth it.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Facebook Corner

"No, I don't wish she'd fall off a cliff; I want to be the hand that pushes her."
Ang-reeee are we? Slightly harsh? Well, maybe, but not that shocking, though.

Girls are the meanest, aren't they? I mean, movies like Mean Girls and You Again didn't just make up that stuff. Girls are genuine bitches--even the nicest ones, and it's because of the strive to be the top. Competition drives the female like sex drives males.

Guys like to say that women are emotionally complex, and one shouldn't hurt their heads trying to figure women out. But are women really that intricate. I mean, wouldn't it be valid to just say that we are all just angry? LOL.

My Hypothetical Life as a Comedian

So I like to call my computer a hoe, and beat it like it's one, too. But then it broke, so I don't call it a hoe anymore. Instead, I call it a penis, cuz you know, they don't last long after you beat them either.
Haha I know. Worst joke ever--thats why I say "hypothetical" life as a comedian.
But for other news, I GOT THE INTERNSHIP!!!!! So I guess the embarrassment of an unbuttoned blouse pays off.

So I have no idea whether anyone actually reads the weird stuff I post. Blogger tells me I have five followers, but what is that really worth anyway? I have yet to receive any comments, yet I continue to write and repeatedly post insane blogs about nothingness. Well, maybe not nothingness, because they are my thoughts, despite how discombobulated they are.
So, is anyone out there?