The Fright of Old Maidhood!

I composed this about 2 months ago, but I'm sure that many will be able to relate.

          The fears of adulthood hover over me like ominous shadows. Mine and my boyfriend’s bills are going to triple in a month. Today we have gas, food and a cell phone to pay, and in a few weeks we will have that plus a car payment, insurance, rent and other miscellaneous household expenses to take care of, and we will have to do it all on our own. The fear of being able to afford everything to furnish the new apartment still worries me at times, too.

          And it is not only the monetary deficit of adulthood that scares me, but the realization that youthful enjoyments are on the decline. My boyfriend already works a six day week, managing the Canton Radio Shack, and in less than a year, I will be job searching for my possible career. And then what about when I begin my Master’s program next summer? Will I be able to juggle working, bills, school, and also making time for a bit of relaxation and fun? I have already witnessed the downfall of friends’ social lives as a result from career paths, and it does not give me much hope. If I, and everyone I know are too busy for ourselves, then how will we ever manage to make time for each other?

          I observe my nineteen year old sister with her nine month old twins, and I am greatful not to be a mother, yet. Don’t get me wrong, I adore my niece and nephew, and I hope to one day share in the happiness of raising my own children, but the status of motherhood cultivates responsibilities that are sometimes equivalent, and most of the time supercede those liabilities associated with certain job descriptions. I am dubious about being able to take care of myself right now. I could not fathom having to be the sole person responsible for two babies. Yes, my sister is a single mother, and that makes my adulthood fear even greater.

          Being a parent basically dictates that you  will have sleepless nights, whether the cause is worrying about your children’s safety, or whether you are going to be able to keep a roof over their head and food on the table.

          My mother single-handedly raised my six sisters and me, and I know for a fact that she worried about being able to provide for us.

          The realization of my age is another fear. I am going on twenty-two, and yes, I know that I am still young, but before, I was counting down to my twenty-first birthday, and now, I am dreading every day I get closer to thirty. Most might say that it is petty to worry about age right now, but in the realm of all possibilities for my life—furthering my education, starting/building my career, building a family, and leaving a legacy—it really is not that petty. Plus, think about it. In the eighteenth century, women were considered a old maid by there early twenties, if she was not yet married. Most women were popping out babies before their twentieth birthday. It is true that many women during this time would not have left the house to do anything productive outside of housework, but it is still an interesting, and somewhat relevant comparison to ponder.

Facebook Corner

So I will frequently intertwine posts like this one into my blog in order to comment on, mock, or just share Facebook statuses that catch my eye.
First victim: "CRABS!!!!!"
I love it when people lack specificity in their posts--it leaves a whole lot of room for those pervy double entendras! No, I'm not a perv, but my mind periodically falls in the gutter.
So, ummm...is this person excited about eating crabs, or are they announcing to fb that they have just acquired a new, yet gross disease? LOL. One can never be too sure about the intention of those dam emoticons. An exclaimation mark can indicate excitement, shock, or anger! And the sad thing is that the latter interpretation wouldn't surprise me the least! People already share how frequently they break-up with so-and-so, what they do in bed, and how messed up their families are, so why not divulge the acquisition of sexually transmitted diseases?
But while the generalization doesn't shock me, I must admit that with this particular someone, the latter would surprise me, and therefore, I am almost positive this person was only eating a recently murdered sea creature. Isn't that a relief?!

Haphazard Much? Cont.

So despite all the crappy features, we actually love the new place. I mean, who couldn't love a living-room with a 55 inch flat screen, and a FREE couch from the bf's mother? And then our beautiful dining-room table for $100, and it was originally priced at $300? And we finally got to spend our $500 store credit at Crate&Barrel. So my boyfriend and I bought a gorgeous floor mirror a few months back for our bedroom at his mother's. Keep in mind this mirror was 8ft by 5 ft and we thought it would look perfect in our dark green room because it would help it look bigger than it actually is. But unfortunately, the guys from Crate&Barrel were unable to get it up the stairs, so we were given store credit. But now, we have a k-cup maker, which I use religiously. It's basically coffee-on-demand. I'm surprise it didn't come with our Comcast package.

And speaking of Comcast, I finally have all the movie channels, (i.e. Showtime), which means I can now watch Dexter the night it actually aires! Yes! If you don't know now, you will soon learn how obsessed I and my boyfriend and my roommate are with Dexter. And unlike the promise I made about healthy foods and exercise, I will lecture you about this because everyone should watch Dexter.

So my third first is that I am finally getting my leg in the career world. At twenty-one, I have never worked, and I actually had not gone on my first interview until 9 days ago. I am ttrying to get an editorial assistant internship at a marketing company nearby, and hopefully I will hear back from the Sr. editor tomorrow. But who knows the true reason why I will obtain the position, if I do, because when I walked out to meet my boyfriend after completing the interview, he informed me with a giggle that my blouse button had come undone, which gave the perfect view of my bra and cleavage. But honestly, I am smart, driven and talented, so if I get the internship, I'm pretty sure it will be for my inteligence, although the realization of my unbuttoned blouse was embarrassing, but not as embarrassing as my boyfriend's 73-year-old great aunt announcing in front of my bf's whole family, "So you're not a virgin?!" when I informed her that I was living with her great nephew (aka my boyfriend." Do I just give off this aura to people that I am this perfect goody-two-shoes, because I am nothing like that. Sure, I am an upstanding, good-hearted person, but I am young, and young people like to have fun.

Haphazard Much?

I'm a Marylander with a haphazard Georgia peach twang. My boyfriend says that I like to add "E's" to random words like, "down, on, round...." I guess the majority of the words I Georgianize possess O's. Sure, Maryland is technically a southern state, but I live in Bimore where people say "wursher" instead of "washer", and "wooder" instead of "water." And just as a side note, people who mispronounce those words vex the hell out of me. My irritation with Baltimoreon lingo may be because I am a senior in college, and I am about to graduate with a Bachelor's in English-writing and Communications, but still, even if I weren't schooled about the proper way to speak, their language just sounds retarded.

But realistically, if I was to ever move to Kentucky, for example (and this supposition is probable because i have a cousin who lives there) I would inexorably adopt their "hick" way of talking within milliseconds. My boyfriend also tells me that I should stop listening to Country music because he believes that triggers my Georgian peach twang, but to give up Brad Paisley or Keith Urban----UNTHINKABLE!!!!!!! Country singers have the sexiest voices, not to mention that the music puts one through this random emotional cyclone---you never know whether you are going to cry, laugh your ass off, or get all tingley with love when a new song comes on the radio. "I wanna search you for ticks"--greatest pick-up line ever! Well, if you are hot and a smooth-talker, but otherwise, it's hysterical as shit!

It also makes you want to shake your booty. Come on, Trace Adkin's "Honky-tonk Badonky-donk" makes me move my hips and my butt, and I dont even notice I'm doing it until the person I'm sitting next to in the car, tells me to stop moving my butt on them.

But for those of you who think my ramblings are going to revolve solely around Country, not true. I listen to actually almost everything accept heavy metal and hard-core rap. I love Pop and Hip-hop. When I'm cleaning, or just in the mood for fun, I turn it on a mix station and dance around my living-room and kitchen. I have to admit, though, I also do random cardio moves to the mucic, as well, because I am an exercise gooroo addict. But I promise I wont go off on a tangent lecturing you guys about eating healthy t we actually love our new place despite all the crappy features.and working-out.

On to more serious shananigans...this year is a year for a whole lot of "firsts." No, I'm not about to drift into a virgin sex rant about my first kiss or sexual experience---those happened years ago. though, while we are on the subject, my first kiss sucked. Girls, if you are young and have never kissed a guy yet, then don't make your first with an Asian. No offense to any Asians out there, I have had numerous Asian friends during my life, but factually, Asian guys cannot kiss. This is how it goes:
guy opens mouth as large as it can open
girls comes in for the kiss
Guy attacks girl's mouth, lips and surrounding areas with open-mouth slobber
Finally, guy randomly shoves tongue into mouth without doing anything remotely related to a French-style kiss

So the first new thing is that my boyfriend and I bought our first car--a smexy indigo Huyndai Elantra! Not only is this car our first asset, but it became our first bill, or should I say bills given that a car brings both the car payment, auto insurance, and criminal high-priced gas. But I have to say, despite the bills, I am in love with car, partly because it's mine, and partly because it's awesome!

The second first is that I have finally got my first authentic apartment. It's not an on-campus dorm-like apartment; it's off-campus and it comes with irritating landlords and maintenance people. So you want to hear something too gross for a picture. The day I signed the lease and got my keys, the marketing specialist in the office came with my boyfriend and me to do a first looks around the apartment, and when we opened up the dishwasher, there was green, moldy water covering the bottom of the washer, and thats not all. We actually had to peel away a thick layer of disgustingness to get to the water. Then, yes there was more...we found a freaking hornet's nest in the master bedroom (aka mine and Chris's room.) Our roommate's bathtub was even caked in white paint. Those are the largest issues we have had, but the list of flaws totaled about thirty or forty, a request we put in about two weeks ago, and the maintainenance crew has yet to work on it. I guess they dont think college students are smart enough to catch all the nitty-gritty problems with a property, but what they dont know is that my boyfriend's mother has been a landlord for three properties for several years.

Bu

The Dilemma of Obsessive TV Watching

For those of you who read a lot or like to watch an entire tv series in like 2 months, you will know where I am coming from. I just recently finished the Gilmore Girls series, which I have been watching religiously for the past month and a half, and as soon as the final episode ended, I felt like a part of my life had come to a close. It's weird, but I do not think that everyone realizes how engrossed they become in the lives of the characters of books and tv because this is not the first time I have experienced this voidness. Several times after finishing a novel--especially one written by Sophia Kinsella or Jane Austen--I had a slither of sorrow encompass me and I wanted so bad to re-open my book and find just one more chapter. And I think it's worst with series. When you are apart of something like the Shopaholic series, Darth Bane series or Twilight--for those of you who are obsessed--it is more like letting go of a best friend than having a small part of you disappear for a little while. Because most of the time, you will finish a novel and a couple weeks later, you will find another amazing story to lose yourself in; however, when you reach the end of a series, it's really the end and it becomes harder to find a better series to defeat the magnificence of the previous one.
Ok, so you guys have probably stopped reading this or exclaiming to yourselves that I am a total nerd, that's cool. I know I am a little weird and I know that most of you are not going to understand the craziness that I speak of, but that's all right too. Just as long as I keep you entertained, that's all that matters.
So back to my topic....
So I feel as if the same feeling will occur when TV series like Dexter, Gossip Girl, No Ordinary Family and Glee finally go off the aire. So does anyone know what I am talking about?

They are Ironically Pointless

Do you ever ponder the emphasis which teachers and professors place on tests. If we do not do well on the SAT's we are less likely to get into a 4 year school after graduating from high school. If we fail the HSA's, we cannot even receive our diplomas. But here is the interesting thing about all this. How many of us sit down to study what we need to know for our exams about 2 days before the test, and our method--memorization. We simply jam our brain full of information to be stored only for the time it takes us to get through the test. I do it and I am sure most of you do too. I actually had my psychology professor admit to my class last semester that that was too her method of getting through grad school.
So, here I am to ask, what is the point of implementing tests? Theoretically, tests are suppose to be tangible evidence that we have learned something or that we are now proficient in a particular subject or skill, but are we really? How proficient are we if the information escapes just seconds after walking out of your final?
Honestly, I think sometimes that students would get so much more out of their educational experience if states were universal in adopting the philosophy of Social Constructivism. Students need to learn how what they are learning affects them in the real world. I also believe that assigning a semester long paper would be more beneficial than several short exams because it allows the student to analyze the information presented to them in class and apply to their individual experiences. Also, by reading notes, interpreting them, analyzing them and then composing their thoughts on that subject on paper, is a great process to ensure that what they learn will have the potential to be permanent. Just something for you guys to cogitate during finals' week. Good Luck!

Do we take the risk. or say goodbye now?

What if we take a chance on love, despite all of our dubious thoughts? What if we do last another 5 years, or even 10? If we fall apart after that, would those years have been worth it?Should we have been wise and not have taken that risk so many years ago? Would we be missing out on something better--someone else for both of us who would make us each happier? And if we come to an inevitable destruction, will it be too late in 10 years to capture our solemate? But the feelings in my heart still yearn for you presently, and if I let you go, you will pull the strings of my heart forever. The pain may dwindle over time, but it will never dissolve. My eyes water just imagining a life without you in it and my heart literally aches thinking about you not being the one who kisses me every morning. My throat compresses into a ball of suffocating pain just picturing you with someone else. I never want to be out of your love. My tears cascade down my face thinking about you loving someone else, or making someone else your world. But then my thoughts circle back to the sorrowful question, what if the risk leads to failure? What if we are suppose to be wise and say goodbye?