So I will frequently intertwine posts like this one into my blog in order to comment on, mock, or just share Facebook statuses that catch my eye.
First victim: "CRABS!!!!!"
I love it when people lack specificity in their posts--it leaves a whole lot of room for those pervy double entendras! No, I'm not a perv, but my mind periodically falls in the gutter.
So, ummm...is this person excited about eating crabs, or are they announcing to fb that they have just acquired a new, yet gross disease? LOL. One can never be too sure about the intention of those dam emoticons. An exclaimation mark can indicate excitement, shock, or anger! And the sad thing is that the latter interpretation wouldn't surprise me the least! People already share how frequently they break-up with so-and-so, what they do in bed, and how messed up their families are, so why not divulge the acquisition of sexually transmitted diseases?
But while the generalization doesn't shock me, I must admit that with this particular someone, the latter would surprise me, and therefore, I am almost positive this person was only eating a recently murdered sea creature. Isn't that a relief?!
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Haphazard Much? Cont.
So despite all the crappy features, we actually love the new place. I mean, who couldn't love a living-room with a 55 inch flat screen, and a FREE couch from the bf's mother? And then our beautiful dining-room table for $100, and it was originally priced at $300? And we finally got to spend our $500 store credit at Crate&Barrel. So my boyfriend and I bought a gorgeous floor mirror a few months back for our bedroom at his mother's. Keep in mind this mirror was 8ft by 5 ft and we thought it would look perfect in our dark green room because it would help it look bigger than it actually is. But unfortunately, the guys from Crate&Barrel were unable to get it up the stairs, so we were given store credit. But now, we have a k-cup maker, which I use religiously. It's basically coffee-on-demand. I'm surprise it didn't come with our Comcast package.
And speaking of Comcast, I finally have all the movie channels, (i.e. Showtime), which means I can now watch Dexter the night it actually aires! Yes! If you don't know now, you will soon learn how obsessed I and my boyfriend and my roommate are with Dexter. And unlike the promise I made about healthy foods and exercise, I will lecture you about this because everyone should watch Dexter.
So my third first is that I am finally getting my leg in the career world. At twenty-one, I have never worked, and I actually had not gone on my first interview until 9 days ago. I am ttrying to get an editorial assistant internship at a marketing company nearby, and hopefully I will hear back from the Sr. editor tomorrow. But who knows the true reason why I will obtain the position, if I do, because when I walked out to meet my boyfriend after completing the interview, he informed me with a giggle that my blouse button had come undone, which gave the perfect view of my bra and cleavage. But honestly, I am smart, driven and talented, so if I get the internship, I'm pretty sure it will be for my inteligence, although the realization of my unbuttoned blouse was embarrassing, but not as embarrassing as my boyfriend's 73-year-old great aunt announcing in front of my bf's whole family, "So you're not a virgin?!" when I informed her that I was living with her great nephew (aka my boyfriend." Do I just give off this aura to people that I am this perfect goody-two-shoes, because I am nothing like that. Sure, I am an upstanding, good-hearted person, but I am young, and young people like to have fun.
And speaking of Comcast, I finally have all the movie channels, (i.e. Showtime), which means I can now watch Dexter the night it actually aires! Yes! If you don't know now, you will soon learn how obsessed I and my boyfriend and my roommate are with Dexter. And unlike the promise I made about healthy foods and exercise, I will lecture you about this because everyone should watch Dexter.
So my third first is that I am finally getting my leg in the career world. At twenty-one, I have never worked, and I actually had not gone on my first interview until 9 days ago. I am ttrying to get an editorial assistant internship at a marketing company nearby, and hopefully I will hear back from the Sr. editor tomorrow. But who knows the true reason why I will obtain the position, if I do, because when I walked out to meet my boyfriend after completing the interview, he informed me with a giggle that my blouse button had come undone, which gave the perfect view of my bra and cleavage. But honestly, I am smart, driven and talented, so if I get the internship, I'm pretty sure it will be for my inteligence, although the realization of my unbuttoned blouse was embarrassing, but not as embarrassing as my boyfriend's 73-year-old great aunt announcing in front of my bf's whole family, "So you're not a virgin?!" when I informed her that I was living with her great nephew (aka my boyfriend." Do I just give off this aura to people that I am this perfect goody-two-shoes, because I am nothing like that. Sure, I am an upstanding, good-hearted person, but I am young, and young people like to have fun.
Haphazard Much?
I'm a Marylander with a haphazard Georgia peach twang. My boyfriend says that I like to add "E's" to random words like, "down, on, round...." I guess the majority of the words I Georgianize possess O's. Sure, Maryland is technically a southern state, but I live in Bimore where people say "wursher" instead of "washer", and "wooder" instead of "water." And just as a side note, people who mispronounce those words vex the hell out of me. My irritation with Baltimoreon lingo may be because I am a senior in college, and I am about to graduate with a Bachelor's in English-writing and Communications, but still, even if I weren't schooled about the proper way to speak, their language just sounds retarded.
But realistically, if I was to ever move to Kentucky, for example (and this supposition is probable because i have a cousin who lives there) I would inexorably adopt their "hick" way of talking within milliseconds. My boyfriend also tells me that I should stop listening to Country music because he believes that triggers my Georgian peach twang, but to give up Brad Paisley or Keith Urban----UNTHINKABLE!!!!!!! Country singers have the sexiest voices, not to mention that the music puts one through this random emotional cyclone---you never know whether you are going to cry, laugh your ass off, or get all tingley with love when a new song comes on the radio. "I wanna search you for ticks"--greatest pick-up line ever! Well, if you are hot and a smooth-talker, but otherwise, it's hysterical as shit!
It also makes you want to shake your booty. Come on, Trace Adkin's "Honky-tonk Badonky-donk" makes me move my hips and my butt, and I dont even notice I'm doing it until the person I'm sitting next to in the car, tells me to stop moving my butt on them.
But for those of you who think my ramblings are going to revolve solely around Country, not true. I listen to actually almost everything accept heavy metal and hard-core rap. I love Pop and Hip-hop. When I'm cleaning, or just in the mood for fun, I turn it on a mix station and dance around my living-room and kitchen. I have to admit, though, I also do random cardio moves to the mucic, as well, because I am an exercise gooroo addict. But I promise I wont go off on a tangent lecturing you guys about eating healthy t we actually love our new place despite all the crappy features.and working-out.
On to more serious shananigans...this year is a year for a whole lot of "firsts." No, I'm not about to drift into a virgin sex rant about my first kiss or sexual experience---those happened years ago. though, while we are on the subject, my first kiss sucked. Girls, if you are young and have never kissed a guy yet, then don't make your first with an Asian. No offense to any Asians out there, I have had numerous Asian friends during my life, but factually, Asian guys cannot kiss. This is how it goes:
guy opens mouth as large as it can open
girls comes in for the kiss
Guy attacks girl's mouth, lips and surrounding areas with open-mouth slobber
Finally, guy randomly shoves tongue into mouth without doing anything remotely related to a French-style kiss
So the first new thing is that my boyfriend and I bought our first car--a smexy indigo Huyndai Elantra! Not only is this car our first asset, but it became our first bill, or should I say bills given that a car brings both the car payment, auto insurance, and criminal high-priced gas. But I have to say, despite the bills, I am in love with car, partly because it's mine, and partly because it's awesome!
The second first is that I have finally got my first authentic apartment. It's not an on-campus dorm-like apartment; it's off-campus and it comes with irritating landlords and maintenance people. So you want to hear something too gross for a picture. The day I signed the lease and got my keys, the marketing specialist in the office came with my boyfriend and me to do a first looks around the apartment, and when we opened up the dishwasher, there was green, moldy water covering the bottom of the washer, and thats not all. We actually had to peel away a thick layer of disgustingness to get to the water. Then, yes there was more...we found a freaking hornet's nest in the master bedroom (aka mine and Chris's room.) Our roommate's bathtub was even caked in white paint. Those are the largest issues we have had, but the list of flaws totaled about thirty or forty, a request we put in about two weeks ago, and the maintainenance crew has yet to work on it. I guess they dont think college students are smart enough to catch all the nitty-gritty problems with a property, but what they dont know is that my boyfriend's mother has been a landlord for three properties for several years.
Bu
But realistically, if I was to ever move to Kentucky, for example (and this supposition is probable because i have a cousin who lives there) I would inexorably adopt their "hick" way of talking within milliseconds. My boyfriend also tells me that I should stop listening to Country music because he believes that triggers my Georgian peach twang, but to give up Brad Paisley or Keith Urban----UNTHINKABLE!!!!!!! Country singers have the sexiest voices, not to mention that the music puts one through this random emotional cyclone---you never know whether you are going to cry, laugh your ass off, or get all tingley with love when a new song comes on the radio. "I wanna search you for ticks"--greatest pick-up line ever! Well, if you are hot and a smooth-talker, but otherwise, it's hysterical as shit!
It also makes you want to shake your booty. Come on, Trace Adkin's "Honky-tonk Badonky-donk" makes me move my hips and my butt, and I dont even notice I'm doing it until the person I'm sitting next to in the car, tells me to stop moving my butt on them.
But for those of you who think my ramblings are going to revolve solely around Country, not true. I listen to actually almost everything accept heavy metal and hard-core rap. I love Pop and Hip-hop. When I'm cleaning, or just in the mood for fun, I turn it on a mix station and dance around my living-room and kitchen. I have to admit, though, I also do random cardio moves to the mucic, as well, because I am an exercise gooroo addict. But I promise I wont go off on a tangent lecturing you guys about eating healthy t we actually love our new place despite all the crappy features.and working-out.
On to more serious shananigans...this year is a year for a whole lot of "firsts." No, I'm not about to drift into a virgin sex rant about my first kiss or sexual experience---those happened years ago. though, while we are on the subject, my first kiss sucked. Girls, if you are young and have never kissed a guy yet, then don't make your first with an Asian. No offense to any Asians out there, I have had numerous Asian friends during my life, but factually, Asian guys cannot kiss. This is how it goes:
guy opens mouth as large as it can open
girls comes in for the kiss
Guy attacks girl's mouth, lips and surrounding areas with open-mouth slobber
Finally, guy randomly shoves tongue into mouth without doing anything remotely related to a French-style kiss
So the first new thing is that my boyfriend and I bought our first car--a smexy indigo Huyndai Elantra! Not only is this car our first asset, but it became our first bill, or should I say bills given that a car brings both the car payment, auto insurance, and criminal high-priced gas. But I have to say, despite the bills, I am in love with car, partly because it's mine, and partly because it's awesome!
The second first is that I have finally got my first authentic apartment. It's not an on-campus dorm-like apartment; it's off-campus and it comes with irritating landlords and maintenance people. So you want to hear something too gross for a picture. The day I signed the lease and got my keys, the marketing specialist in the office came with my boyfriend and me to do a first looks around the apartment, and when we opened up the dishwasher, there was green, moldy water covering the bottom of the washer, and thats not all. We actually had to peel away a thick layer of disgustingness to get to the water. Then, yes there was more...we found a freaking hornet's nest in the master bedroom (aka mine and Chris's room.) Our roommate's bathtub was even caked in white paint. Those are the largest issues we have had, but the list of flaws totaled about thirty or forty, a request we put in about two weeks ago, and the maintainenance crew has yet to work on it. I guess they dont think college students are smart enough to catch all the nitty-gritty problems with a property, but what they dont know is that my boyfriend's mother has been a landlord for three properties for several years.
Bu
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