Battle of the Sexes

"Last year for my birthday, my husband got me a scale. This year for his birthday, I'm getting him a ruler!"--Hell's Kitchen S09 E10

Wrong, but effing hilarious!
If I weren't the type of person who constantly monitors her weight, I would be pissed as hell if my boyfriend bought me a scale for my birthday! However, I would absolutely steal the ruler idea! That's clever and great payback! Like they say: payback's a...well, you know.
Don't worry, though, I'm not a feminist. Guys, if your girlfriend/wife ever buys a ruler for Christmas or a birthday, then you have every right to buy her a scale!

You can insinuate or call us women fat asses, but we will beLittle your "ting ting", as coined by Jo Koy!

Facebook Corner: The 401-KEG

"Food forthought...If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have $49.00 today! If you purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG, you would have $33.00. If you purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers, you would have $0.00 today. But, if you purchased $1,000 worth of beer, drank all the beer, turned in the aluminum cans for recycling, you would have $214.00. Therefore the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg"

Id personally insert wine where it says, "beer" because surprisingly I cannot stand the taste, but the 401-cork just doesn't have the same ring lol!
But does anyone agree with me about the beer? Beer is not what you drink to get drunk, it's what you drink after you are too drunk to know what you are drinking!
But back to the quote...let's save the world and kill our kidneys, cuz you know, it's better than wasting a grand! But seriously, at least you can have fun partying while you lose your money, rather than just sitting in front of a computer watching the stock points drop.

 

Just Call Him Spirm Donor

          If I could change anything about myself, it would be to plunder the periodic emotional insecurity I feel from never having a real dad. I am proud of the person I have become, and I did not need my father to get to the place I am now, but even if I had needed him, he would not have contributed.

          Part of my insecurity arises when I wonder about why my father does not love me enough to be apart of my life. I hear from him maybe once a year, and the birthday cards I receive from him, are actually signed and sent by my stepmother. His existence is pretty mute to me, yet the lack of that same existence, has cultivated myriad pain.

          I believe that God intended every child to have a mother and a father because each parent serves a distinct, unique purpose in regards to nurtureing. I only had a mother, though, and she was forced to be both the rock and the soft, sentimental one. She did her best, and little flaws marked her efforts, but there still remains an aching void in my heart at times.

          How can someone who had little influence in your life, make such a great impact? I have tried to figure out why he was never there. Was it because his new family, or his freedom were more important? Was he just not ready to be a father?

          My mother told me, my father admitted to wanting four daughters, and only four daughters. He got his four daughters—myself, and three of my younger sisters.

          My insecurities have been influential in shaping my self-concept in the past. I was always “daddy hungry” in a way, and would search for comfort in other male figures in my life. I have also been guilty in being dubious when it comes to trusting people. Whenever one person disappears out of my life, whether it is a lost friendship, lost connection with family members, or broken  romantic relationships, I questioned what I did to make them go.

          I want to be free of caring; I want to be indifferent. I want to be a successful parent someday, and I feel that if I am still struggling with emotional bondage from my own parent, that I will not be able to do my best.

Facebook Corner

"Remember the popular MAN saying..."Why marry the cow when you can get the milk for free?" ? Well here`s the updated version for the ladies... "Why buy the entire pig just for a little sausage?"
I literally starting laughing uncontrollably when I read this, and was glad that I was the only one in my apartment lol.
Guys can be massaginistic womanizers if they choose, but girls can play the game, too. But while most women are the complete package, and therefore become worth the purchase of the entire cow, that same package for the men becomes subpar if the pig has a little sausage. :p

A Dubious Time Traveler

          If I could travel back in time to redue any decision, I wouldn’t. I believe every event leads into the next, and whether one alters an entire day, or a one second decision, the reprocussions weigh equally in determining what effect your life will take.

Before March 23, 2009, I would have eagerly returned to my senior year of high school, and accepted St. Mary’s College’s admission invitation and their financial aid package, despite its heavy emphasis on student loans. However, March 23 is the day I met my future best friend and love.

Towson University was my third choice of schools, and the only reason I ended up here was because I was offered a full ride, but that is not why I stayed. I met my boyfriend during the second semester of my freshman career in an advanced writing course for teachers; he was a business major, so why was he there?

He was required to take an advanced writing course for his major, and ironically enough, Writing for Business and Industry, probably would have been the perfect fit in fulfilling this requirement, but my indifferent goofball haphazardly selected a course without  even glancing at the course title. It was not until our professor asked everyone to share what subject they planned to teach, that he realized that maybe he should have enrolled in another advanced writing course. The funny thing is, he was always wondering why the writing assignments were so difficult, and why our professor was such a stickler in his grading.

Similar to my decision in choosing Towson University, my boyfriend’s choice to take Writing and Communication Skills for Teachers, was a decision which weighed equally as heavy in determining whether or not we would ever meet. I have asked him several times, if he would still take Professor Pugh’s class, if he could go back in time, and his answer is always, “No, because that is the reason I met you, and the dues I paid in that class, were well worth it.”

Facebook Corner

"No, I don't wish she'd fall off a cliff; I want to be the hand that pushes her."
Ang-reeee are we? Slightly harsh? Well, maybe, but not that shocking, though.

Girls are the meanest, aren't they? I mean, movies like Mean Girls and You Again didn't just make up that stuff. Girls are genuine bitches--even the nicest ones, and it's because of the strive to be the top. Competition drives the female like sex drives males.

Guys like to say that women are emotionally complex, and one shouldn't hurt their heads trying to figure women out. But are women really that intricate. I mean, wouldn't it be valid to just say that we are all just angry? LOL.

My Hypothetical Life as a Comedian

So I like to call my computer a hoe, and beat it like it's one, too. But then it broke, so I don't call it a hoe anymore. Instead, I call it a penis, cuz you know, they don't last long after you beat them either.
Haha I know. Worst joke ever--thats why I say "hypothetical" life as a comedian.
But for other news, I GOT THE INTERNSHIP!!!!! So I guess the embarrassment of an unbuttoned blouse pays off.

So I have no idea whether anyone actually reads the weird stuff I post. Blogger tells me I have five followers, but what is that really worth anyway? I have yet to receive any comments, yet I continue to write and repeatedly post insane blogs about nothingness. Well, maybe not nothingness, because they are my thoughts, despite how discombobulated they are.
So, is anyone out there?

Facebook Corner

Monday victim: "If you ever get caught sleeping on the job or in school, just slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen.'"
Funniest effing line I have heard in a long time! But honestly, who is going to penalize you for being religious? But remember the name is Jesus, not Buddha or Muhammad, so make sure you get it right because if you mess up, you might end up on unemployment! LOL. So I guess Jesus really is our savior! But don't forget all the other things he saves us from, too.

Argue the Big Question

Oprah says that the question one should ask when in an argument is: "Do you want to be right, or do you want peace?" How true! Aren't those two things the only two things we usually want out of a relationship? But the more important point to make is that in a relationship, isn't peace the more paramount of the two? We can all believe that we are right, even if we tell the other person that we know we're wrong, but if our primary concern is to be right, then we don't really care about the relationship that much, right? Wouldn't we rather just make everything right in the relationship than to hold the superior honor of being "right" about whatever the argument was about? Sure, easier said than done, and most of us will still probably argue to be right than argue to make peace, but it's something that every truely in-love couple should ponder.

The Fright of Old Maidhood!

I composed this about 2 months ago, but I'm sure that many will be able to relate.

          The fears of adulthood hover over me like ominous shadows. Mine and my boyfriend’s bills are going to triple in a month. Today we have gas, food and a cell phone to pay, and in a few weeks we will have that plus a car payment, insurance, rent and other miscellaneous household expenses to take care of, and we will have to do it all on our own. The fear of being able to afford everything to furnish the new apartment still worries me at times, too.

          And it is not only the monetary deficit of adulthood that scares me, but the realization that youthful enjoyments are on the decline. My boyfriend already works a six day week, managing the Canton Radio Shack, and in less than a year, I will be job searching for my possible career. And then what about when I begin my Master’s program next summer? Will I be able to juggle working, bills, school, and also making time for a bit of relaxation and fun? I have already witnessed the downfall of friends’ social lives as a result from career paths, and it does not give me much hope. If I, and everyone I know are too busy for ourselves, then how will we ever manage to make time for each other?

          I observe my nineteen year old sister with her nine month old twins, and I am greatful not to be a mother, yet. Don’t get me wrong, I adore my niece and nephew, and I hope to one day share in the happiness of raising my own children, but the status of motherhood cultivates responsibilities that are sometimes equivalent, and most of the time supercede those liabilities associated with certain job descriptions. I am dubious about being able to take care of myself right now. I could not fathom having to be the sole person responsible for two babies. Yes, my sister is a single mother, and that makes my adulthood fear even greater.

          Being a parent basically dictates that you  will have sleepless nights, whether the cause is worrying about your children’s safety, or whether you are going to be able to keep a roof over their head and food on the table.

          My mother single-handedly raised my six sisters and me, and I know for a fact that she worried about being able to provide for us.

          The realization of my age is another fear. I am going on twenty-two, and yes, I know that I am still young, but before, I was counting down to my twenty-first birthday, and now, I am dreading every day I get closer to thirty. Most might say that it is petty to worry about age right now, but in the realm of all possibilities for my life—furthering my education, starting/building my career, building a family, and leaving a legacy—it really is not that petty. Plus, think about it. In the eighteenth century, women were considered a old maid by there early twenties, if she was not yet married. Most women were popping out babies before their twentieth birthday. It is true that many women during this time would not have left the house to do anything productive outside of housework, but it is still an interesting, and somewhat relevant comparison to ponder.

Facebook Corner

So I will frequently intertwine posts like this one into my blog in order to comment on, mock, or just share Facebook statuses that catch my eye.
First victim: "CRABS!!!!!"
I love it when people lack specificity in their posts--it leaves a whole lot of room for those pervy double entendras! No, I'm not a perv, but my mind periodically falls in the gutter.
So, ummm...is this person excited about eating crabs, or are they announcing to fb that they have just acquired a new, yet gross disease? LOL. One can never be too sure about the intention of those dam emoticons. An exclaimation mark can indicate excitement, shock, or anger! And the sad thing is that the latter interpretation wouldn't surprise me the least! People already share how frequently they break-up with so-and-so, what they do in bed, and how messed up their families are, so why not divulge the acquisition of sexually transmitted diseases?
But while the generalization doesn't shock me, I must admit that with this particular someone, the latter would surprise me, and therefore, I am almost positive this person was only eating a recently murdered sea creature. Isn't that a relief?!

Haphazard Much? Cont.

So despite all the crappy features, we actually love the new place. I mean, who couldn't love a living-room with a 55 inch flat screen, and a FREE couch from the bf's mother? And then our beautiful dining-room table for $100, and it was originally priced at $300? And we finally got to spend our $500 store credit at Crate&Barrel. So my boyfriend and I bought a gorgeous floor mirror a few months back for our bedroom at his mother's. Keep in mind this mirror was 8ft by 5 ft and we thought it would look perfect in our dark green room because it would help it look bigger than it actually is. But unfortunately, the guys from Crate&Barrel were unable to get it up the stairs, so we were given store credit. But now, we have a k-cup maker, which I use religiously. It's basically coffee-on-demand. I'm surprise it didn't come with our Comcast package.

And speaking of Comcast, I finally have all the movie channels, (i.e. Showtime), which means I can now watch Dexter the night it actually aires! Yes! If you don't know now, you will soon learn how obsessed I and my boyfriend and my roommate are with Dexter. And unlike the promise I made about healthy foods and exercise, I will lecture you about this because everyone should watch Dexter.

So my third first is that I am finally getting my leg in the career world. At twenty-one, I have never worked, and I actually had not gone on my first interview until 9 days ago. I am ttrying to get an editorial assistant internship at a marketing company nearby, and hopefully I will hear back from the Sr. editor tomorrow. But who knows the true reason why I will obtain the position, if I do, because when I walked out to meet my boyfriend after completing the interview, he informed me with a giggle that my blouse button had come undone, which gave the perfect view of my bra and cleavage. But honestly, I am smart, driven and talented, so if I get the internship, I'm pretty sure it will be for my inteligence, although the realization of my unbuttoned blouse was embarrassing, but not as embarrassing as my boyfriend's 73-year-old great aunt announcing in front of my bf's whole family, "So you're not a virgin?!" when I informed her that I was living with her great nephew (aka my boyfriend." Do I just give off this aura to people that I am this perfect goody-two-shoes, because I am nothing like that. Sure, I am an upstanding, good-hearted person, but I am young, and young people like to have fun.

Haphazard Much?

I'm a Marylander with a haphazard Georgia peach twang. My boyfriend says that I like to add "E's" to random words like, "down, on, round...." I guess the majority of the words I Georgianize possess O's. Sure, Maryland is technically a southern state, but I live in Bimore where people say "wursher" instead of "washer", and "wooder" instead of "water." And just as a side note, people who mispronounce those words vex the hell out of me. My irritation with Baltimoreon lingo may be because I am a senior in college, and I am about to graduate with a Bachelor's in English-writing and Communications, but still, even if I weren't schooled about the proper way to speak, their language just sounds retarded.

But realistically, if I was to ever move to Kentucky, for example (and this supposition is probable because i have a cousin who lives there) I would inexorably adopt their "hick" way of talking within milliseconds. My boyfriend also tells me that I should stop listening to Country music because he believes that triggers my Georgian peach twang, but to give up Brad Paisley or Keith Urban----UNTHINKABLE!!!!!!! Country singers have the sexiest voices, not to mention that the music puts one through this random emotional cyclone---you never know whether you are going to cry, laugh your ass off, or get all tingley with love when a new song comes on the radio. "I wanna search you for ticks"--greatest pick-up line ever! Well, if you are hot and a smooth-talker, but otherwise, it's hysterical as shit!

It also makes you want to shake your booty. Come on, Trace Adkin's "Honky-tonk Badonky-donk" makes me move my hips and my butt, and I dont even notice I'm doing it until the person I'm sitting next to in the car, tells me to stop moving my butt on them.

But for those of you who think my ramblings are going to revolve solely around Country, not true. I listen to actually almost everything accept heavy metal and hard-core rap. I love Pop and Hip-hop. When I'm cleaning, or just in the mood for fun, I turn it on a mix station and dance around my living-room and kitchen. I have to admit, though, I also do random cardio moves to the mucic, as well, because I am an exercise gooroo addict. But I promise I wont go off on a tangent lecturing you guys about eating healthy t we actually love our new place despite all the crappy features.and working-out.

On to more serious shananigans...this year is a year for a whole lot of "firsts." No, I'm not about to drift into a virgin sex rant about my first kiss or sexual experience---those happened years ago. though, while we are on the subject, my first kiss sucked. Girls, if you are young and have never kissed a guy yet, then don't make your first with an Asian. No offense to any Asians out there, I have had numerous Asian friends during my life, but factually, Asian guys cannot kiss. This is how it goes:
guy opens mouth as large as it can open
girls comes in for the kiss
Guy attacks girl's mouth, lips and surrounding areas with open-mouth slobber
Finally, guy randomly shoves tongue into mouth without doing anything remotely related to a French-style kiss

So the first new thing is that my boyfriend and I bought our first car--a smexy indigo Huyndai Elantra! Not only is this car our first asset, but it became our first bill, or should I say bills given that a car brings both the car payment, auto insurance, and criminal high-priced gas. But I have to say, despite the bills, I am in love with car, partly because it's mine, and partly because it's awesome!

The second first is that I have finally got my first authentic apartment. It's not an on-campus dorm-like apartment; it's off-campus and it comes with irritating landlords and maintenance people. So you want to hear something too gross for a picture. The day I signed the lease and got my keys, the marketing specialist in the office came with my boyfriend and me to do a first looks around the apartment, and when we opened up the dishwasher, there was green, moldy water covering the bottom of the washer, and thats not all. We actually had to peel away a thick layer of disgustingness to get to the water. Then, yes there was more...we found a freaking hornet's nest in the master bedroom (aka mine and Chris's room.) Our roommate's bathtub was even caked in white paint. Those are the largest issues we have had, but the list of flaws totaled about thirty or forty, a request we put in about two weeks ago, and the maintainenance crew has yet to work on it. I guess they dont think college students are smart enough to catch all the nitty-gritty problems with a property, but what they dont know is that my boyfriend's mother has been a landlord for three properties for several years.

Bu

The Dilemma of Obsessive TV Watching

For those of you who read a lot or like to watch an entire tv series in like 2 months, you will know where I am coming from. I just recently finished the Gilmore Girls series, which I have been watching religiously for the past month and a half, and as soon as the final episode ended, I felt like a part of my life had come to a close. It's weird, but I do not think that everyone realizes how engrossed they become in the lives of the characters of books and tv because this is not the first time I have experienced this voidness. Several times after finishing a novel--especially one written by Sophia Kinsella or Jane Austen--I had a slither of sorrow encompass me and I wanted so bad to re-open my book and find just one more chapter. And I think it's worst with series. When you are apart of something like the Shopaholic series, Darth Bane series or Twilight--for those of you who are obsessed--it is more like letting go of a best friend than having a small part of you disappear for a little while. Because most of the time, you will finish a novel and a couple weeks later, you will find another amazing story to lose yourself in; however, when you reach the end of a series, it's really the end and it becomes harder to find a better series to defeat the magnificence of the previous one.
Ok, so you guys have probably stopped reading this or exclaiming to yourselves that I am a total nerd, that's cool. I know I am a little weird and I know that most of you are not going to understand the craziness that I speak of, but that's all right too. Just as long as I keep you entertained, that's all that matters.
So back to my topic....
So I feel as if the same feeling will occur when TV series like Dexter, Gossip Girl, No Ordinary Family and Glee finally go off the aire. So does anyone know what I am talking about?